'I do a line of cocaine before I go to work - my kids don't know about my drug shame'

Dear Coleen

I watched the YouTube video with your son, talking about his recovery from drugs, and felt I had to contact you. I’m soon to turn 50 and struggling.

I’ve always had drink and drug issues but they used to be a weekend binge thing.

I have two wonderful ­children aged 25 and 30 and I’m single now.

I was in an abusive ­relationship, then I met a man I thought was my true love. But I found out he was doing crack and he was jailed for robbery.

This was 10 years ago. Still, I was doing well and started a house cleaning business.

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Then I started drinking too much during Covid and last year I admitted to my daughter I thought I was an alcoholic.

My son took me to AA, but I hated the meetings.

Now I find myself drinking from the minute I wake up and doing a line of cocaine just to get myself to work.

I don’t want to tell my children, as they think I’m better.

I’m turning 50 this month and going away with all my family, but I’m drowning in debt, beer and coke.

Coleen says

Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to recovery and the next is to ask for professional help. Go to your GP and be honest about what you’re taking and find out what the options are.

There is help other than the 12-step AA programme, such as smartrecovery.org.uk, which uses CBT and motivational techniques. Just because one approach didn’t work for you, doesn’t mean another won’t.

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What you mustn’t do is go cold turkey, because it can be dangerous. You need expert guidance on withdrawing from alcohol.

It’s very tough if you’re addicted to alcohol because it’s so readily available and is part of the culture of people’s lives. It takes strength to deal with that. As for your kids, you know you have to be transparent with them. You’re not asking them to fix your problem – they can’t.

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But honesty is important and you won’t be letting them down by admitting you’re still struggling.

If they know the truth, they can support you. Also, they might already suspect, but are waiting for you to acknowledge it.

Recovery is hard and scary, but you can do it if you’re honest with yourself and reach out to the right people.

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